THE FIRST RETARD
$CARLOS
Where It All Started. 1661.
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CONTRACT ADDRESS TBA
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$CARLOS
Where It All Started. 1661.
Every legend has a beginning. This one starts with incest.
The Habsburg dynasty takes control of Spain. They decide the best way to keep power in the family is to... keep it in the family. Literally.
Uncles marry nieces. Cousins marry cousins. The family tree becomes a family circle. Each generation the jaw gets bigger, the brain gets smaller.
After 16 generations of keeping it in the family, the Habsburg dynasty produces its magnum opus: Carlos II. The most inbred royal in recorded history. The First Retard.
Carlos says his first words. Most kids do this at age 1. He's built different.
Carlos takes his first steps. Eight years to figure out walking. A true pioneer of taking your time.
They make him King of Spain at 14. He can barely speak, can't chew his own food, and thinks he's been cursed by witchcraft. Peak leadership material.
They marry him off to Marie Louise of Orléans. She reportedly cried for days after meeting him. The marriage produces zero children. Absolutely zero.
First wife dies. They try again with Mariana of Neuburg. Still zero children. The royal bloodline has spoken.
Carlos dies at 38. The autopsy reveals: a body that "did not contain a single drop of blood, a heart the size of a peppercorn, lungs corroded, intestines rotted and gangrenous, and a head full of water." An entire dynasty dies with him. But his legacy? That lives forever.
Centuries later, on the Solana blockchain, Carlos rises again. Not as a king. But as something greater. A memecoin. $CARLOS. The First Retard. Where It All Started.
This isn't fiction. This really happened.
The Habsburg family tree is actually a family wreath. Carlos II's parents were uncle and niece. His grandmother was also his aunt. His family tree has fewer branches than a telephone pole.
Source: PubMedGenerations of inbreeding created the famous "Habsburg Jaw" — a mandibular prognathism so severe Carlos couldn't chew food. Scientists confirmed the jaw got worse with each generation.
Source: All That's InterestingWhen Carlos died, doctors found: no blood in his body, a heart the size of a peppercorn, corroded lungs, gangrenous intestines, a single black testicle, and a head full of water. Medical professionals are still confused.
Source: All That's InterestingThe Spanish court was so baffled by Carlos's condition they concluded he must be cursed. They performed multiple exorcisms on the King of Spain. It didn't work.
Source: Wikipedia — "El Hechizado"How far can you push a gene pool? Let's find out.
🏆 ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: THE FIRST RETARD
How do you stack up against the King?
| 👑 Carlos II | 🫵 You | |
|---|---|---|
| Age of first steps | 8 years | ~1 year |
| Age of first words | 4 years | ~1 year |
| Number of wives | 2 | Probably 0 |
| Children | 0 | Also probably 0 |
| Was a King | Yes | No |
| Has a token | $CARLOS | No |
| Legacy | 326+ years | TBD |
The Royal Portrait Collection
How to buy $CARLOS
Download Phantom or Solflare. Your gateway to the royal court.
Buy SOL on an exchange and send it to your wallet. The tribute is ready.
Go to Jupiter or Pump.fun and swap your SOL for $CARLOS. Welcome to the dynasty.